this is one of those moments where i wish for that clarity and eloquence that comes when i'm a particular sort of furious. right now, i'm just a bit angry, and a bit frustrated and sad, so i'm going to have to muddle along on my own.

it's not about what you say.

it's about what you do.

it always has been.

if you say you love me, and you act in ways that only demonstrate how much you care about yourself, it doesn't count.

if you say you're sorry, and you act in ways that only demonstrate how much you're trying to make yourself feel better, it doesn't count.

it doesn't mean that you always have to do exactly the things you said you were going to do. i mean, i don't do that myself. i forget things, or something else comes up, and then there i am.

but-- i enjoy spending time with the people i love, and i care about how my actions affect them, and i try to show that. i give people things that i think will make them happy, and i talk about them to each other (although i'm working on remembering that this is mostly okay with people, and i don't have to worry about burdening them with me talking about myself and the things and people that are important to me), and i have been told that i light up when they come into the room.

and by me, that's what counts.

words are important too (otherwise i wouldn't be writing this here, now would i?) but on their own, they're not enough.