being friends with your exes is overrated.

am i suggesting badmouthing them in public? nooooo.

am i suggesting a total scorched earth policy when you break up? noooo.

but frequently, after i break up with someone, i don't want to deal with them much for a while while i process how things are going to work now. and then, after that's settled, then i can reassess whether or not i like the person any more. sometimes i do. sometimes i don't. some of the people i do like i'm way close to, and some of the people i do like i hardly ever see much less have a conversation with. some of the people i don't like i just don't talk to, and some of the people i don't like, i wish would move to inner tibet where they have no internet connections so that i didn't have to deal with them any more.

what's so fabulous about being friends after? in one of the examples that i have seen, it seems to involve one person lying down and letting the other treat them like shit for months at a time. somehow, this doesn't seem like a good idea to me, on either side.

in another example, one person who has spoken about being friends with zir exes and how you shouldn't be involved with people who badmouth their exes is badmouthing one of zir exes in a public space. (oddly enough, i am in fact taking this bit of advice to heart. this just makes it even more desperately unlikely that i'd ever get involved with zir.)

how come it's simultaneously held up that you should be friends with your exes, yet people who say "let's just be friends" are if not reviled, then at least snickered at?

i don't get it.

my starting point on this is that i have one ex who i wish would move to snowy, computerless tibet, some who i don't talk to much due to circumstance, one ex-something who is at least as weird at me as i am at zir, and a whole bunch that i'm friends with, in varying degrees of closeness. and an old, tattered reputation for irrationally hating all my exes and not being friends with any of them.

whatever. whatever! that's what i think.