xat says, in re me talking about saying funny (to me, anyhow) things about my dad having been sick:

People, myself included, often ball up into a “if I don’t think about it it isn’t real” when confronted with really sick people. You probably already know this. Which means humor about sickness, about people who have been sick is confusing. If your dad didn’t remember wired because he was juggling eggs, people would find it funny. But being so sick that he didn’t remember, and you not remembering that, well, that makes me want to flee to a place where I would never have to go through that kind of thing. So the humor part is hard to see through the perception of the painfulness of that memory for you.

how clever. i hadn't thought about that.