and here is the all appearing in a blur part!

i have been thinking, recently, about the conflict between having a really very nice life and being happy with it, but still being sad about things that i don't have, that wouldn't fit into my life right now. i am sad about not having some things as the result of having made some very fundamental life choices that have worked out brilliantly well for me. the things i do have, i love and am happy with. i just want to say that a few more times. happy happy happy.

and there's a decent chance that if i had made other decisions, i not only wouldn't have the things that i am sad about, i'd be in a much worse place right now, and not have the things that currently make my life good.

intellectually, i understand this.

i'm still kinda mopey, though.